i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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