i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
