what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
