I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
