It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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