dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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