dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
