why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
