oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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