it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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