Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
