i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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