Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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