The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
