I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
