Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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