The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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