my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
