I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You ruined the universe
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
