At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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