So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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