You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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