Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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