Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
vagina is talking i cant
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
