I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
