Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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