I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize