did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he's single and there are thong briefs.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
