My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize