That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
