No awkward lesbian experiences without me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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