first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
