PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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