i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
