remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
