He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
