I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
