If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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