benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
