Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
