Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
