He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
