I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
