did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Fuck appropriateness.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
