I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
