I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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