Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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