You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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