gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
