She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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