we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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