I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
