I am spending my child support on dildos
what day is it and did you see me today?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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