Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
