I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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