I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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