dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
