every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize