yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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