My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
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