he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
