I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
