Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
