On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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