Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
