i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
