yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
