So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
