i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
