..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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