So gin and wine won't be happening again
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
