Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Screwed.edu
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize